Introverted Introspection

I thought I had so much to say. And how haughty of me to believe the it should be immortalized on this blog aka patch of cyber space.

I make no sense. It's the end of the semester. My roommate is leaving. And instead of helping her pack and stuff, I've reverted to emotional fetal position. Actually there are a lot of reasons for my emotional fetal position at the moment. Endings, beginnings, openings, closings, blossoming relationships, responsibilities, reality, fantasy, life...

I honestly don't know how I made it to earth. And to all of you gearing up to give me a lecture on the "the birds and the bees" have a seat and zip your lip. I'm acquainted with the miracle of life. I mean, I'm stubborn and I'm not big on change. In fact, if I have something constant in my life, I cling to it.

I just realized that Christ is a constant in my life, and I wonder if I cling to Him as much as I should. (Forgive the rambling, its just my thought process.)

I think I have a few things that dominate my life, Art, Religion, Family & Friends, and my seeking comfort in my imagination.

I'm a person who runs, not fights.

Perhaps I've reached another point in my life where I'm not quite comfortable in my own skin. In addition to that, I'm wondering who I am. I don't doubt for a second that I'm God's child, but who am I? And how do I fit in the scheme of things. There's a part of me that refuses to believe that I'm normal, average, bland. Maybe that's why I try to be so obscure or larger than life when I write. I have an normal complex! When the truth is, I probably can't handle being "Above Average" or a "Mutant" in the long line of humanity.

Being important means you have responsibility and heaven knows I've struggled with that this semester. So I think I'm going to have to get cozy with the idea that I'm an average Jane. Not rich, not famous, mediocre talents that blend in with the rest of the gallery.

And now would you look at that. I'm fishing. I'm always fishing for compliments for someone to argue with me. To tell me that I'm not an average shmuck. It makes me feel better. How sick is that? And do you know what bothers me? I don't know why I do it. Ah to heck with this.

I need a good kick to my back side and a slap to the face. I'm fine. I have talent. I'm amazing. I have a lot to offer. Just because it isn't the way the world would have it or the way some other person would do it, doesn't mean I'm a dime a dozen. You hear that depressive thoughts!?? I am DAMN AMAZING!! So suck on that and swallow! I hope you choke! Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go end my day on a better note than on which it started!