WARNING: Zero to WIOTCH in Less Than a Second

If you are male and are squeamish when it comes to the female monthly cycle, I suggest you turn back while you still can. You've been warned.

No matter what the code name is for the week my uterus decides to remind me (and all of creation) of its existence, its hell. Yes, hell. If you've never had the joyful experience of bleeding below the belt, you've certainly had the pleasure of being in the company of one who has or is currently in the process of. I use pleasure loosely along the side of a liberal dosing of sarcasm.

I will be the first to admit that I'm not a good candidate for company during the process of internal sloughing. I'm emotional, emotional, emotional!!! I cry, laugh, scream, and forget why I was doing any of them within a moment. I'm achy and tired though it seems I've got nothing done. Fetal position with a heat pack and a bottle of Ibuprofen is my happy place. You try and remove me from happy place, I remove whatever appendages you extended in order to do so, m'kay?

Chocolate is the best thing since diamonds, in fact if I had a diamond, I'd hock it all for a lifetime supply of chocolate. I might consider using it to pay off loans, but chocolate makes me feel better.

Little things set me off. (Like alarms, my crippled laptop, slow internet, snow that shouldn't be here, and teachers that think we should be social in class, the color pink, and anything else)

If I don't feel like dealing with or doing something, I won't. (Try and make me do it, I dare you.) BWAH HA HA HA!!

And sometimes, I'll just burst into tears. I've horrified many a male suitor. Poor things, didn't know what hit 'em and I was less than inclined to explain. Any more horror in their lives and they'd likely keel over from heart failure. Hmm, that gives me ideas...

On the other hand, I can be quite witty. Zingers slip of my tongue like a bolt slips from a crossbow. Make sure you're not my target.

I can also be entertaining. I've been told that watching me for an hour during this marvelous time of the month, is like watching a person with multiple personalities. With the simple stipulation that each multiple personality has their own multiple personalities with a good chance of one or all being bi polar. And today's forecast is...

So, what do I recommend?

Put on a helmet, dive into your nearest bomb shelter, and pray until Hurricane Megan blows over. Offerings of semi-sweet or dark chocolate upon my alter of amazingness are also welcome.